A preschool child’s sense of social and emotional independence is not fully developed. Preschoolers continue to rely on their parents and a secure home base to feel safe. At this stage, children need nurturing from both parents — they are beginning to develop a relationship with their father that is different from the one with their mother. Children experience a significant loss when one parent is less involved in their lives. Not only will they often miss that parent’s presence and affection, but some of their physical and emotional needs may not be met. They often have overwhelming fears that both parents will leave them. As with infants and toddlers, preschoolers need lots of visits with the parent who has moved away. Parents need to keep this in mind when they develop their parenting plan.

So many kids have experienced one of their parents leaving, it bears the full weight of responsibility for many long-term mental health issues. Abandonment can take many forms: the parent who walks away and refuses to have any further contact with the child, the absentee parent who rarely communicates with or sees the children only rarely, and the parent who slowly drifts out of the child’s life over time.

Children who are abandoned by a parent may face significant problems. A child who is abandoned often feels an overwhelming sense of rejection. The thought that one parent no longer loves her, wants her,

or even cares about her is potentially devastating to self-esteem and the future ability to form healthy, loving relationships. A child who has been abandoned may develop an intense yearning for the absent parent — a longing that can interfere with development. Children who have been abandoned need to be assured that:

• they did nothing to cause the parent to leave
• they are very much loved and lovable
• adults sometimes have a hard time relating to others, and may do the wrong thing as a result.

Most children who have experienced abandonment by a parent will benefit from relationships with other adults who can serve as role models and provide them with experiences that would have been shared

with the absent parent.

When you ride in an airplane with your child the steward tells you appropriate self-care procedures: When the oxygen masks decend, the parent is to take oxygen before they help the child. This is to avoid improper self-care and a failure of the parent-child relationship. Reaching out for support for your personal needs during separation and divorce will make you better able to respond to the needs of your children. Knowing more about how children, at each stage and age of development, experience separation and divorce will help too. The next section describes some of the feelings children and youth commonly experience as their parents divorce, and how you can help them adapt to the changes involved and move forward in their growth and development

• Health Care Professionals — Your family doctor, your children’s paediatrician, or the staff at a community health centre are an important resource when you or your children are experiencing difficulties. They also can recommend other professionals or services available in the community.

•   Support Groups — Many community centers and organizations offer support groups where people in the process of separation or divorce can talk about their feelings and experiences. Since parents often face similar problems, others in this situation can be a source of great comfort and inspiration.

• Professional Counselors — If depression, anger or loneliness interfere with your work, home tasks or parenting, professional counseling from social workers, counselors, psychologists or psychiatrists may help.If you are still considering ways to stay together, talking to an experienced marriage counselor could be beneficial. A marriage counselor can help you take steps to resolve conflicts, remedy past grievances and improve your relationship.